25 proverbs by Chad Blevins, formulated in his 25th year of life, are as follows:
Day 1: I should stop wearing womens undergarments.
Day 2: if someone asks you if you would like a cheese wedge, tell them "No" because they might give you a cheese wedgy instead.
Day 3: Don't wet your bed, especially if someone else is in it.
Day 4: dress in drag at least once in your life.
Day 5: when I play mortal combat I create a power turban out tissue paper or dirty laundry which generates super playing abilities. I'm impossible to beat. Something to think about next time you pop Mortal combat into your Sega Genesis.
Day 6: Always maintain an attitude that's a little bit country and a little bit rock n roll.
Day 7. Never wear sweat pants out side of your house
Day 8. Men should never wear sandals
Day 9: Only half listen to your parents so that when they later say that you committed to something like changing grandpas diaper you can honestly say that you don't remember
Day 10: If you are going deep sea diving with your buddies from accounting and you see a shark, don't try and play tickle monster with it, because that will just make it angry.
Day 11: Dont drop a baby. You gotta be careful with those things.
Day 12: Always follow you dreams and ambitions, especially if your dream is to become a chest hair model.
Day 13. Never swing a tiny bat at a butterfly. For one it's mean for two it makes you look like a crazy person.
Day 14. Make sure to clean every once in a while, or you might find that you are growing a bacteria garden somewhere in the corner of your room or the pit of your leg. Once I didn't clean for over a year and i found the city of Fraggle Rock in the corner of my closet.
Day 15. You can't cage the chinchilla.
Day 16. Build a pair of giant paper wings and jump off the roof of your house. Trust me.
Day 17. I measure success by how well one can convert his/her lifestyle into a beach bum lifestyle.
Day 18. Drive 100 miles due east and bury, in the ground, one item that is very sentimental to you.
Day 19. Those who fight the chest hair have a lot of growing up to do.
Day 20. Don't just sit there. Do something. Suggestions: invent something, write something, paint something, practice your dance moves, capture a bird and then set it free. It will feel much more grateful for it's life.
Day 21. Sometimes the world looks more interesting upside down. If I could trade my feet for my hands for just one day so that I could walk around upside down then sign me up.
Day 22. Grow a beard, at least once. Even if you're a woman.
Day 23. Shave your beard and leave the mustache. Take good long look at yourself laugh a little and keep a mental picture because then you are going to shave the mustache because they aren't cool anymore.
Day 24. You can dress up a monkey in a tuxedo, but it will still hurl it's poo at you.
Day 25. Sumo wrestlers are a lot like beavers. They both chew down trees and build dams. They both eat people and orca.
